When I think back to my teenage years, I remember one thing clearly — I cried almost every day.
Not because I was weak. Not because I didn’t want to be happy. But because I felt misunderstood, unseen, and unheard in my own home.
I remember the countless times I tried to speak from a place of pain, only to be shut down with “Keep quiet, you don’t know anything.” I remember resenting home, thinking of running away but having nowhere to go. I remember the heavy silence in my heart as I compared myself to my younger brother who always seemed to be the “golden child.”
As a teenager, all I wanted was for someone to listen to me, to notice my pain, to understand that behind my stubborn face and silence was a child who was struggling to figure out who she was.
But nobody listened.
And as I reflect on that season of my life, I can’t help but notice how many teenagers today are still living my story.
The Silent Pain of African Teens
Across Nigeria and many African countries, our teens are carrying invisible wounds.
- They are shut down when they try to speak.
- They are forced into roles or decisions they don’t want.
- They are compared to other children — cousins, neighbors, classmates.
- They are dismissed because “children should not talk when adults are speaking.”
- They are lonely, because their parents don’t create the space or time to connect with them.
What happens as a result? We raise broken teens — angry, withdrawn, rebellious, or resentful. Teens who walk through life feeling like their very existence is a mistake. Teens who silently decide to distance themselves from their parents, or worse, from life itself.
The statistics confirm this heartbreaking truth. According to UNICEF, In Nigeria, 1 in 6 young people aged 15-24 surveyed said they often feel depressed, have little interest in doing things, or are worried, nervous or anxious, with depression and anxiety being the most common. Many of these struggles are fueled not just by external pressures (like poverty or academics), but by the lack of connection at home.
And let’s be honest, many African parents were never taught how to “parent emotionally.” They were raised in environments where survival came before feelings, where discipline came before dialogue, and where love was often equated with providing food, shelter, and school fees.
But in today’s world, that is not enough.
What Your Teen Really Needs From You
Dear parent, here’s the truth: your teenager doesn’t just need your money, they need your heart.
They need you to:
- Listen Without Judgment
When your teen speaks, don’t shut them down. Don’t rush to correct or dismiss. Just listen. Even when what they’re saying doesn’t make sense to you, your willingness to hear them out validates their existence. - Respect Their Feelings
You may think their struggles are “small” compared to what you went through growing up. But to them, that broken friendship, that failed test, that heartbreak feels like the end of the world. Respect their emotions, no matter how small they seem. - Avoid Comparisons
One of the fastest ways to crush a teen’s spirit is to compare them to someone else. Your child is not “that other child.” They are unique, with their own path. - Create Safe Spaces
Build routines where you spend intentional time with them — not just to lecture, but to laugh, share, and listen. Dinner tables, car rides, or even evening walks can become sacred spaces of connection. - Affirm Their Identity
Teens are in the middle of discovering “Who am I?” and “Am I enough?” Your words shape the answers to those questions. Affirm them often. Tell them you love them. Tell them you see them.
Why This Matters More Than Ever
We live in a world that is louder, harsher, and more confusing than it was when we were teenagers. Social media is shaping identities, peer pressure is higher than ever, and the stakes for poor mental health are life and death.
Parents, if you don’t intentionally connect with your teen, someone else will. And that “someone” may not lead them in the direction you’d ever want.
The good news? It’s not too late. You can start today. You can become the parent your teen needs — not a perfect parent, but a present one.
My Story, My Why
When I was 16, I thought I was alone in the world. I thought nobody cared. I thought maybe I didn’t even belong. But over time, I realized that my pain had a purpose — it birthed my passion to help teens today.
That’s why I share my story. That’s why I do the work I do with Teens World Foundation. And that’s why I’m inviting you, dear parent, to take this message seriously.
Because African teens deserve the best. They deserve parents who don’t just provide, but parents who see, hear, and love them for who they are becoming.
Let’s not raise another generation of broken teens. Let’s break the cycle.
Kossy Okonkwo (Big Sis to Teens)
Your Partner in Raising Whole Teens